A change in anyone’s life can cause anxiety, and this is especially so for a senior contemplating future care. That anxiety can cause your aging loved one to resist talking about it. Moving into a senior living facility represents, for many residents, a loss of independence and passage of time they won’t get back. On the other side of the equation, it’s equally difficult for the families of senior citizens. They know this conversation could lead to hurt feelings and resentment. No wonder this conversation is often put off, delayed, and postponed.
But it’s a conversation that you must have—the earlier, the better. Our care professionals at Homeplace of Henderson say the best time to speak to your loved one is when he or she is still independent and has a good idea of the future they want. Even though they may not want to have the conversation, they still have probably done some thinking about what their elder care will look like.
Sometimes families continually postpone this conversation, and then a crisis happens, leaving your aging loved one in a state of mind that doesn’t allow him or her to communicate clearly their desires. That’s why it’s so important to have this conversation early. That allows a family to fully understand the assistance, support, and personal care their loved one wants. One of our core beliefs is that a senior citizen’s wishes should be respected as much as possible. Having this conversation early is the first step in allowing that to happen.
For this conversation, find a time that does not conflict or tie into a typical family gathering. For example, avoid doing this at Christmas time, when stress is already at high levels. Set this talk at a time when there are no other family obligations.
Keep an empathetic tone throughout the conversation. The best way to do that is to start by listening. Have some open-ended questions prepared that are designed to get your loved one talking about his or her ideas for the future, how they see modern senior care, and what they envision for themselves.
As you listen, be open and understanding. Try to understand what your loved one might be thinking and feeling. After all, he or she has never been in this position. All their lives, they have provided care and comfort, and to some extent, were in charge. And now all of a sudden, that is reversed.
Be prepared, by having answers for any and all questions a senior may have. Being able to provide answers to what they may see as an uncertain future will help them to remain calm.
Know the costs. Almost all seniors will wonder how they will pay for their elder care. You should research several different options for them and the in’s and out’s of each, including senior living facilities and in-home care.
If you have the opportunity, bring a senior care professional to provide impartial expert advice. Sometimes an unbiased opinion can smooth over the rough spots that may exist in a family’s communication. Homeplace of Henderson staff will always be available to provide any help you and your family may need with this.
Finally, know that you won’t be able to predict the conversation’s outcome. That’s why we can’t suggest enough to start out listening and empathizing. Change is difficult for anyone but especially for seniors at this point in their lives.
Please reach Jessica P. Beaven, Executive Director of The Homeplace of Henderson at (270) 577-0534 for help.